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i can do science
but i cant do chemistry,
biology and physics.

i love black and white
and sometimes red.

 

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    Friday, January 16, 2009, 9:46 PM

    yesterday was a day.
    full of mix feelings.
    met up with the gang.
    Malia, simah, raudah, bas and some others.
    ( see i put ur name first ah Malia !!)

    anyway met up at ct hall.
    malia cheat my feelings.
    say dont wanna come.
    then suddenly turn up.

    anyway headed to marina square.
    where we ate at macs.
    it was directy opposite zara.
    where she worked.

    i hesitated for a moment.
    wanted to ask them change place.
    but though otherwise.
    didnt want them to know.

    anyway when we were about to leave.
    for esplanade, malia ask me go zara
    find her, i was like no..please.
    not now..i dont want to hurt her.

    i dont want to make her angry.
    we were running late for the.
    exhibition that raudah wanted to go to.
    so i kinda rushed out of mac with shima and rau.

    to head to esplanade.
    the rest of the guys went to nike
    to get a jacket for khai's NZ friend's jacket.
    anyway when i wen to esplanade.

    i thought it was some kind of normal exhibition.
    till i found out it was the museum of broken relationships.
    man my heart drop
    unreluctantly went in.

    wondering what ill find inside.
    the whole place was almost closing up for.
    the night but we had half and hour.
    browsed through the different exhibits.

    once i had completed all the exhibits.
    i reached this end of the hall where they put a book
    if anyone wanted to leave their confessions they could.
    i wonder if i wanted to.

    but went forward first.
    to read some of them pages that we written by others.
    as i did this. the first thought that came to my mind.
    could she have written here ?

    i doubt so. and thought, if i wanted to write something.
    would she find it and read it ??
    will it make a difference in things ?
    i thought otherwise.

    not that i didnt want to.
    but the words that i saw on the exhibits.
    somehow flash before my mind for a moment.
    to feel the pain in the heart.

    the dissapointment.
    the failure that i had to carry in my life.
    i tried to hold back the tears but i knew they would.
    come out soon.

    with a bit of luck we were all told to leave the exhibit.
    as i left simah was asking why so sad.
    takmo nangis ah.
    at that point in time if i hadnt.

    held back my tears i think it would have just pored.
    i said takde lah maner ader.
    walked away quickly.
    pass my camera to shima.

    rushed down the escalator just wanted to walk away.
    didnt want them to see me like this.
    not like this. this didnt feel right.
    a drop of tear went down my cheeks.

    wiped it away quickly.
    holding the rest of those tears inside.
    went to the shop.
    to compose myself and to get a drink.

    i promise i would visit that exhibit again.
    not to re-live the pain but to.
    just complete watching and reading all the
    exhibits available.

    anyway headed to merlion after that.
    chilled till late and went home after,
    a day spent in the most exhausting way possible
    emotionally...

    i know i was wrong i was to be blamed.
    not you, i wasnt good enough.
    i failed in what i wanted to achieve.
    i lost sight of the dreams and goals

    that i had set myself.
    to make you happy.
    to not be like your ex's.
    to not dissapoint you.

    but at the end of the journey.
    i failed each and every single one of them
    im sorry.
    i should have treated you better.

    i regret only when it was too late.
    but till now. i dont know my mistake to you.
    but still i know its my fault solely.
    im sorry. i wish things didnt have to end this way.

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